Pikcrack
by zavegonzo
Summary: A series of oneshots and drabbles and whatever random Pikmin-related stuff I think of writing
1. A Pikmin Fan's Tale

(AN: Hey, welcome to Pikcrack! This is going to be a little dumb series where I write stuff about whatever Pikmin stuff comes to mind. Basically, filler in between chapters of my main fic _Pikmin Colors_. But you can read this for its own merit, if you want. This first chapter is a rewrite of _A Trekkie's Tale_ to fit in with Pikmin fanfictions, and also to be kinda gender-neutral because there are bad writers of all sexes.)

* * *

 _'Gee, golly, gosh, gloriosky,'_ thought Selphenn Sert as they stepped into the cockpit of the Drake. _'Here I am, the youngest lieutenant and technician of the fleet, only fifteen and a half years old.'_

Captain Charlie came up to them. "Oh, Lieutenant, I love you like my rubber ducky. Will you come to bath with me?"

"Captain! I am not that kind of person!"

"You're right, and I respect you for it. Here, take over the ship for a minute while I go get some coffee for us."

Alph came up to them. "What are you doing in the command seat, Lieutenant?"

"The Captain told me to."

"OK, awesome Lieutenant."

Captain Charlie, Alph, and Brittany beamed down with Lt. Selphenn Sert to a newly discovered planet, FNP-515. They were attacked by Green Pikmin and thrown into a cave. In a moment of weakness Lt. Selphenn Sert revealed to Alph that they, too, were a technician. Recovering quickly, they sprung the lock with their bag of holding's contents and all of them got away back to the Drake.

But back on board, Dr. Ori Ginalchar and Lt. Selphenn Sert found out that the men who had beamed down were seriously stricken by Pikminification disease, Selphenn Sert less so. While the crew languished in the ｓｉｃｃ bay, Lt. Selphenn Sert ran the Drake, and ran it so well they recieved the Nobel Peace Prize, a place in the Hall of Fame and also over a hundred reviews!

However the disease finally got to Selphenn Sert and they fell fatally ill. In the ｓｉｃｃ bay, as they breathed their last, they were surrounded by Captain Charlie, Alph, and Brittany, all weeping unashamedly at the loss of their beautiful youth and youthful beauty, intelligence, capability and all around niceness. Even to this day their birthday is an international holiday in Koppai and Hocotate.


	2. Drabble

(AN: Here's my first attempt at a drabble.)

* * *

Spring. This season is many things.

To some, it is rain.

To others, it is wind.

To Redd, it is annoying pollen.

"Achoo!" the Pikmin sneezed for the umpteenth time. He wiped his nose.

He hated spring, so he wanted to do something about it.

Gaia suddenly manifested in front of him. "My child, what is it that you desire?"

"To get rid of spring..." Redd said, sneezing again.

"OK." Gaia then turned the spring into hot summer, burning up all the plants.

The ashes wafted into Redd's nose, making him sneeze.

"Achoo! No! Curse you, cruel world!" Redd shouted.

* * *

(...I know, it's not very good. What do you expect from my first try?)


	3. Pikcrack Colors

_This is a parody of a certain Pikmin fanfiction... See if you can guess it! (HINT: It isn't Colorful! But that would be a close guess~)  
_

* * *

It was a typical, peaceful spring afternoon. Birds were singing, Pellet Posies were growing, and on this specific day two Pikmin around twelve days old were eating some nectar and talking.

"Hey, Jack!" one Pikmin said to the other.

"Yeah, Darryl?" the other Pikmin, Jack, replied.

"I dare you to stay in that cave near the Onion overnight!"

"Uh," Jack paused, surprised by the suddenness of the dare. "OK, Darryl, but that sounds too dangerous to do as a dare. Would you give me something if I do it?" The one who started this conversation, Darryl, said "Wimp. I'll give you twenty, and by twenty I mean ten, free favors for me to do."

Jack thought it over, taking a sip of nectar. _'Is that seriously it?! I can't believe he'll let me have him do ten things for me for free... Must think I can't do it, the jerk! I'll do it!'_ he thought.

"Sure," he agreed.

"Alright! Make sure you're there by sundown!" said Darryl.

* * *

Jack remembered his promise and went over to the cave right as the sun started to touch the horizon. Darryl was sitting next to the cave's hole. "Oh, Jack! I was almost starting to think you forgot!" said Darryl as he noticed Jack approaching.

"Why'd you think that? I'm right on time, aren't I?" Jack replied.

Darryl looked behind Jack to the horizon. "Ah... Yeah, you are," he admitted.

"OK, nice. See you tomorrow!" Jack said as he dove into the cave.

In the cave, there was a surprising lack of enemies. There was the occasional Bulborb, but compared to the typical cave? Barren! After wandering for a few minutes, Jack came across a strange type of Candypop Bud: pale peach, like a Bulborb's skin.

"Woah," Jack said in wonder. "This is a weird Bud..."

He walked toward the fleshy flower, standing on his tippy-toes to gaze into it.

Jack then accidentally fell into the flower, absorbing into the center.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another world, a human boy named Johnny was also in a cave, armed with a flashlight and his immature wits.

A strange wriggling came from the soil of the cave floor. Johnny shone his flashlight on the underground wriggling, only to be surprised from a similarly young human boy came clawing out of the dirt.

The boy panted heavily, clutching his chest. He looked down at his hands, then swung his head around confusedly.

His eyes locked onto Johnny, then he fainted, nakedly sprawling face-down on the dirt.

Johnny stared.

"Uhh..." he uttered.

* * *

WORD COUNT: Who cares?

{AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there! Screw you for reading this. I just came up with this idea two seconds ago, and now I'm mindlessly writing it down! Don't bother reviewing this, I'm not gonna read it.}

XX/YY/ZZ EDIT: I accidentally a word. (BLAH - BLOO)


	4. Gill Eats Nectar

p class="MsoNormal"emThis is just a dumb little ficlet./em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Gill the Blue Pikmin was tired of having only a leaf. He was tired of being slower, being weaker, being less important than the rest of the Blues./p  
p class="MsoNormal"He wanted to have a flower, and he was going to do something about it./p  
p class="MsoNormal"He knew in order to get a flower, he would need to drink nectar, but he had to find out a way to find nectar when he spent most of his time underwater, far from any dry land./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Staring up at the roof of the Onion while everyone else was sleeping, he thought of a plan./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Morning came, and the Onion landed. Gill and all the other Pikmin left. They were ready for another, average day. Gill was ready to carry out his plan./p  
p class="MsoNormal"He quietly wandered away from the group and started looking around. He needed to find a nectar weed to pluck./p  
p class="MsoNormal"After a long while of searching and a brief escape from a ravenous pack of Sheargrubs, he found one!/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Giddily, Gill grabbed the nectar weed and uprooted it. A big blob of nectar plorped out./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Then, with all the hesitation of a rampaging Bulborb, Gill started to drink it. He absorbed every single drop of nectar into his body. Bliss ran through him./p  
p class="MsoNormal"In an instant, his leaf turned into a bud, and then it quickly bloomed into a flower./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Gill looked at his new flower happily. He walked back to the Onion, finally satisfied./p 


End file.
